MY DIARY – MY THOUGHTS

 

 

 

 

 

By Vandana Lekhi

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dedicated to the most brilliant Senior Advocate my brother Aman Lekhi and the talented couple Mohan Singh and Udita Singh whom I admire a lot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most people are fanatical about the religion they are born in. However toleration and respect for a different religion demonstrates loftier non-violent and tranquil character which spreads relaxed soothing vibes all around them. My rakhee brother Parvez Ahmed met me many years back at Tis Hazari Court with his mother. Parvez is slightly deaf and seeing his love and devotion for his mother I saw a resemblance of myself in him. All her life I worshipped my mother and saw all the Goddesses in her. When later she developed Alzheimer’s I called her Durga Ma and serving her was my sole purpose in life. Parvez belonged to a rich family in Calcutta and they had prime properties in Delhi also. He lost his father at an early age and the relatives pounced and usurped all the properties leaving Parvez his mother and two sisters on the road. Parvez is a very simple good hearted and religious person. He became a dear friend and brother and the bond between us deepened as years went by. My parents were very fond of him particularly my father.

Though some people laughed and made fun of him mainly due to his being slightly deaf, he was very talented and earned the respect of many. People often used and misused him because he was very vulnerable being mostly without a job and dependent on the measly amount his sister Shine sent from America. His younger sister Yasmin kept total distance from him totally avoiding him and their mother, refusing to take any responsibility of even her aged mother.

During her life time, Parvez would escort his mother to stranger’s weddings and other functions so that at such time she could eat tasty food. The orgainsers never ever objected to this duos gate crashing. Parvez visited the mosque thrice a day and still does. In the beginning of our friendship he would decline to take parshad from the mandir. After his mothers death like a stoic he faced life. Continuous failure did not deter him from his faith in Allah the all mighty. Then I don’t exactly remember when I started tying him rakhi. He considered my parents his parents and on their birthdays would give cards with long messages attached vide separate sheets of paper. When I started my NGO he was appointed by me as a manager. On reaching my office so many street dogs would be relaxing inside as well as outside the gate courtesy Parvez and his offering them food. My office was in South Extension Part – I bordering Kotla where milk vendors kept their cows. Some regular cows would also come and Parvez would give chappatis left by the part – time cook a day in advance. The sewage pipe was dirty and clogged so Parvez would get letters typed and signed by other residents threatening Delhi Jal Board with legal action and he was actually responsible in getting them cleaned.

Parvez was and is still fond of reading different newspapers. Besides news items he keeps clips of different jobs and vacancies which he shares with the public. He is in the habit of carrying three large plastic bags containing a collection of newspapers and cuttings neatly folded in them. Few years back he started visiting Durga Maa’s Mandir and developed great faith in Maa. He became a close friend of Pandit ji and got a special thread tied on his arm as a blessing for good luck. Parvez is so pious on various special holy days he will be found praying with great devotion in the Church and Gurudwara also. From him I learnt to respect all religions. He amuses me by calling me his “Divine Goddess” for the little help I give him. Presently he got a job in a shoe factory as a supervisor. His employers are very bad pay masters, but he remains busy and for survival even that is enough.

My diary would not be complete without discussing one of my passions very close to my heart ! That is street dogs. Many years back I was scared of dogs. Then my brother Aman Lekhi bought a Dalmatian pup. During the same time another pup abandoned Spitz Basanti began to be taken care of outside the house by Aman and my sister in law Meenakshi. I had once patted Basanti when she was very tiny. She reciprocated by following me in the park when I took Mummy for a walk. Scared of her I used to throw a stone at her to shoo her away. But everyday she still followed with undying love. After some time Aman took Basanti into the house. My fear disappeared at once. Gusto the Dalmatian used to bathe my face with his big licks. As for Basanti she was a connoisseur of good food and loved tasting a variety of eatables unheard of being the fancy of most dogs. One evening Meenakshi’s car was parked near a lawn she spotted a pup and told the driver to get some milk for the pup. When she was departing the pup hopped into the car. She informed Aman from her mobile about this incident. “Bring him home” Aman told her. Thus Toss also became a family member. Gusto accepted him but not Basanti. So Toss was kept at night in the kitchen in the old construction of the house. Feeling abandoned it led to Toss developing a temper. As he grew he was able to tackle Basanti. Pranay my youngest nephew came across a sick tiny pup and that’s how Fluke joined the family. Now Toss did not accept Fluke so till today they are kept separate.

Indian street dogs are very disciplined. Unless they go mad they don’t bite and mind their own business. They respond to love with greater love and loyalty. They are very particular about their territory vis – a – vis other dogs. Often they are found sitting under and above cars. When dogs lie on their backs with all four legs raised in the air it connotes total happiness. Like humans their nature also varies amongst each other. I have been bitten four times but I realise that like humans they also get angry at times. We don’t see perfect behaviour all the times in humans  who even commit crimes so why not have sympathy when dogs lose their temper.

Domestic Politics! Something which needs to be discussed. Whose head will bear the crown. Rich relatives and poor relatives. National politics often takes a back seat when domestic politics comes into play. In the case study of a single family besides the parents, the eldest child often gets the patronage of the parents to wield the greatest power. Depending on this the other siblings are at quite a disadvantage when the eldest most favoured wants to establish the rules and regulations solely to be followed by the rest. On the larger plane between the relatives inter – se  wealth plays an important role. It’s the rich gang versus the gang with lesser money. The rich gang exchange expensive gifts and praises amongst each other while the less privileged are subject to a lot of criticism and back biting. This outlook is generally very common.

Ones domestic staff is often the subject of what is considered interesting conversation by the employers. Where staff is kept with kindness, dignity and slight incentives, much of the gossip about discussing them would disappear. When my mother became unwell with Alzheimer’s I told mummy’s staff to serve her lovingly and in return I would serve them. However it was only 6 years before my mothers death that Kiran, Latika and Anita served Mummy with their heart and soul. I now and always consider them my daughters and they have a permanent place in my heart. If God permits I would like to do a lot for them till my very end.

Destiny! It has played a vital role in my life. When I was young, I used to think whatever unpleasant is to happen should happen before ones old age. As one grows old facing obstacles becomes very arduous and stressful. God gave me manic depression as a child. God had planned that for me. Instead of my brain my heart guided me. I began doing a lot of petty social work which became an addiction. I came to deeply understand compassion and serving people. That love is God and a powerful equipment in handling problems. Often carried things to an extreme touching danger zones with extremely risky acts. In such situations I always faced failure, Gods way of protecting me. In the journey of life God helped me with certain contacts who were magnanimous aids in my work when I was cured of my depression. Yes I have felt the strong presence of God in my life. He fixes our destiny and if our intentions are pure saves us from enormous harm also.

The zing thing! Ever experienced it? Comes as an incentive propelling happiness in our dull routine and pushes us to higher ventures. From the middle class to above it’s a common phenomenon in our lives. Visiting a smart beauty parlour, going out for lunch, general shopping, exchanging gifts, planning for the vacations, travelling, watching movies or games, the list is endless. These infuse fresh enthusiasm in our lives. Ever wondered how much of this the have nots remain without. Yet most struggle through life with brave smiles without the luxurious zing thing. Ever thought of sharing this zing thing with them without ulterior motives selflessly in exactly the same way as you do for yourself? Once in a while at least. No they won’t get spoilt. Love only cures, heals and improves. It’s not harmful. Nothing to be scared of. The reactions to sharing are always beneficial and attract blessings from God. So why are people scared of kindness I often wondered! While watching movies of grim realities of life they will even shed tears in sympathy. Once the movie is over their sympathy will also disappear. They’ll commit the same wrongs against which they wept in the hall! An endless list of great social reformers receives heart rending praise by the haves. Quoting them is the maximum reaction that will ensue. Imbibing their reforms will be totally neglected and dumped in the back seat.

As I have learnt from my mother’s life, I admire sanskaar the most in people as compared to material gains of wealthy people. By sanskaar we mean unimpeachable character only guided by their soul, morally upright, incorruptible and right minded. Whereas some people are shameless in their actions still others are very image conscious. The latter shy away from action if they fear their image will be tarnished. Getting caged in protecting their image they avoid activities of a conflicting nature retarding the growth of their own stature. For what is popular might not be correct and minority opinion could be strengthening and heralding an essential change. In the midst of corrupt activity there could be some noble ventures and blanket generalising should be avoided by people cocooned in their puritanical image.

Friendships last where there is give and take just like a clap requires two hands. One sided giving only and the other side only taking makes both sides disrespectful of one another. In fact the side receiving only tends to be more ungracious and impolite considering the giver merely foolish. Between friends giving can be in kind also. I have realised this in my own dealings with certain people. As my brother Aman Lekhi told me that I go into extremes of doing and then repenting. Moderation is extremely important in friendly relationships. Friendship should also be made with those at par with one. Not being affluent, apart from relatives, I don’t chase rich people to make friends with. Simple ordinary individuals like myself are the ones I am most happy with. Besides not being a very social person I am most happy at home with my writing, staff and the dogs Aman takes care of.

I now look forward to visiting temples during festivals. Standing in long queues with so many worshippers, patiently waiting for my turn to come. There was a time earlier due to my depression I hated crowds. Felt that my social service was the best prayer to God. However, being cured of the disease I have started enjoying and participating in such events though my social service still continues. In my motherland India with its myriad diversity, so much warm sunshine and simple people there is so much to learn and grasp and become competent in. What an exceptional country with such an illustrious, noble and distinguished history of countless legends since time immemorial. One of the oldest civilisations with the birth of Hinduism, Mother of all religions. Of course I admire and bow my head to all extraordinary august heroes, heroines and social reformers enriching India century after century but, there is also a special class of unsung equally my heroes whom I admire and learn from. They are the poor and lower middle class who never give up trying to make ends meet with a smile on their face.

Empty vessels make most noise! A very accurate and realistic maxim. Gifted people are confident and need no artificial coating to prove their ability. Their talent is self evident and generally they require no publicity. For example our Prime Minister Narendra Modi. His actions speak volumes and won’t waste time in self praise. On the other hand the opposition with all their failures, scams and loots right from the time of Nehru would leave their bungalows after death as tourist attractions and name every conceivable place in their family’s name as if before them and after them no other illustrious or sizeable leader existed. Similar is the case of non political people. People with the least contribution in the family often boast the most. While praising themselves they actually fool themselves into believing they sacrificed the maximum. I sincerely believe the act of giving should remain a secret, be done selflessly without beating ones own trumpet. It should be done for ones own happiness and not to burden the recipient. Economically weaker people can’t indulge in small luxuries even. Due to heavy rain our morning shift guards tennis shoes had become damaged along with the drivers. I came to know when our driver purchased some shoe fixing gum at a vey cheap rate. I decided to purchase shoes for both. At Indian Oil Bhawan at Janpath was a shoe shop where one can buy cheap shoes. Krishna my driver selected tennis shoes and I inquired about sandals for the guard. As nothing really worth it was available we left the shop and on inquiries were informed of Sreeleathers at a short distance. We were lucky for getting very good leather sandals at a very reasonable rate. Now Krishna was very disappointed with his choice of tennis shoes as he was also impressed by shoes at Sreeleathers. The next day he confided that his son had taken the tennis shoes I had given him. Seeing his desires for shoes at Sreeleathers which he could ill afford I promised to buy them for him. The happiness that Krishna got for getting his choice of shoes was nothing in comparison to mine for having fulfilled a tiny dream.

During the days I was practising as a law at lawyer at Tis Hazari District Courts, a lady clerk Tapasya caught my attention. She had no friends and I observed her doing her work very determinedly, finding dates of cases for a lawyer in extremely dishevelled clothes. I came to know that she was schizophrenic and her mother had deputed a lawyer to somehow keep her busy, She sang bhajans (hymns) like a nightingale and she would often disappear in Buses on pilgrimages to holy places. I became friends with her and she would visit my chamber at times. In the course of our friendship I once took her to a parlour for colouring her hair. One day I took her to my psychiatrist for treatment. Seeing her Dr.Rohit Jaiman my psychiatrist told me that her condition had deteriorated a lot. Even if someone took the responsibility of giving her medicines, convincing her to have them was an impossible task. Whenever I see mentally disturbed people, abandoned by their families, roaming purposelessly in horrible torn attire, unkept hair, totally slovenly, messy appearance my heart goes to them and I feel terribly helpless. If only some proper attention was given to their plight and action taken to build suitable shelters and bring some sunlight in their lives also.

A tea shop vendor had given shelter to 6 pups. His stall was locate near my nephews Anirudh Nath Lekhi’s legal firm. Anirudh requested him to give the pups in adoption to other families but he refused. When they got injured Aman Lekhi and Anirudh had them treated at a very good Veterinary Clinic at Neeti Bagh. Not being inoculated for parvo virus which virus Aman and Anirudh were not aware of 5 of the puppies expired. Only one survived and that too due to Aman and Anirudhs efforts. So very catastrophic and unfortunate. Assisting in taking care of the survivor I named Nikka which means little boy a very big truth dawned on me. That of the exceptional and considerable care taken by most parents specially mother in bringing up toddlers. Being a spinster with no children (my marriage lasted for 2,3 months only ages back) I could not help but, bow my head in admiration for them. It is little wonder that I worshipped my mother but, the actual drudgery and exertion which goes in bringing up children struck me as a bombshell. Of course when all the strain and labour removes complication parents face boundless exultation and bliss is their biggest reward. Reminds me of a song in a Hindi movie “Oh mother Gods image which we have never seen cannot be greater than yours”!

No ones perfect. Out of the many gifts a person possesses the most important is that of introspection. Life is the biggest teacher and a willing student must possess this gift. As one wades through life many mistakes are committed. Some defects in character also exist one being of extreme anger. Correction of these faults requires realisation of their existence in one. This is only possible if one has an introspective nature. From bad to better and then to best is very well explained in Ramayana with the life of the great sage Valmiki. Many years back when Lord Rama was ruling Ayodhya there was a forest which had to be crossed for a particular destination. Here a dreaded dacoit existed who attacked, looted and killed travellers. Not only this he used to wear a garland of their bones. Once a hermit fell prey to this fearful dacoit. The hermit said, “I promise to stay here till you return. Ask your family whether they will indulge in killing and looting people as you do to provide for the expenses of running your household.” The dacoit went home and asked his family members. They all refused to loot and kill like him. Realisation dawned on him and going back to the forest the enlightened dacoit fell on the hermit’s feet. “How should I obtain pardon for my sins and elightenment,” he asked the hermit. He was told to repeat the word “Maraa” again and again. Sitting below he a tree he started his penance saying only “Maraa Maraa” which means dead. The word “Rama” started coming on repeating “Maraa”. So great was his concentration he refrained from eating food and drinking water. He also stopped breathing and an ant hill grew around and on him. Thus he got the name “Valmiki”. He became a great sage and wrote the holy text “Ramayana”. Lord Rama’s wife Sita lived in his ashram on being exiled.

How breaking the law becomes an enjoyable habit. I was standing outside my house then I saw 2 children aged about 9 years riding a two wheeler very happily. There parents must not be very law abiding citizens. Growing up with such values or rather without values can encourage children later on to indulge in crime also. For example, I knew a fraudulent faith healer. Towing a pretence of being a holy man he actually participated in many shady deals. I was shocked when his teenaged son confided in me that his heroes were weighty economic offenders. So what if they went to jail? On the termination of their sentence they could live in luxury with the undisclosed wealth they had amassed. Hindu religion encourages a person to live life like a Karamyogi. This means to lead a principled life without seeking rewards. For when God finally blesses it may be in a very unusual manner and more substantial, special and beyond one’s imagination. That is termed in ordinary words a miracle.

Pseudo intellectuals! Human Rights Organizations! Phew! I happened to watch the scoop sting operation by ZEE TV three years back on JNU campus. A horrible Kanhaiya, Umar Khalid and other treacherous traitors shouting slogans in favour of Afzal Guru the master mind behind the Parliament attack, murdabad of Indian Army and freedom from India of all the states. My blood boiled and I immediately penned my thoughts on Facebook. Shocked to see so many Pseudo and Human Right Activists defending such venomous, treacherous, disloyal, faithless, spineless Kanhaiya, Umar Khalid and gang by calling the slogans freedom of speech and not sedition. English media, most of it now consists mostly of mercenaries in writing falsehoods in favour of those who bribed them the maximum. Hindi media only telling the truth.  How corrupt Pseudo and Human Right Activists had become, under the shameless Congress and their like. It took three years for a FIR to be lodged against the miscreants Kanhaiya & Umar Khalid. Most English media had depicted them as heroes. Our freedom fighters many of whom gave up their lives at tender age must be turning in their graves.

Different Religions. Mostly everyone adopts the religion they are born in. To some extent everyone is fanatical about their religions. If only they realised that there is exclusively one God only be it as depicted in Hinduism, Islam, Christianity and other religions, there would be less strife and more toleration. Different civilisations gave independent, dissimilar interpretations on Gods appearance on earth. However, the Divine Power is only one. Why compete which religion is superior. Learn from all and improve life on out planet instead of making it a battle arena.

A friend sent me a message on Women’s Day it read, “Practice makes a man perfect ……….. then what about the women. She is born perfect !!! Happy Women’s Day ……” I get irritated by so much self praise by women. Isn’t women meant to do selflessly. I learnt from my mother not to boast about ones devotion to family and sacrifices made. As children we admire from our heart her immense commitment and dedication to the family. During her lifetime she was always the primus inter pares of the family. Actions speak more than words. Great women prove themselves with their extraordinary abilities and receive praise any time of the year and not a particular day called Women’s Day.

Love is God! So how powerful it is. Children who get a lot of love from their parents grow up to be very confident. Our mother was very loving. During our childhood we witnessed a lot of struggle by our parents. Both were very brilliant, outstanding, patriotic and idealistic. The worst of times did not deter their unflinching values from perishing. My father was very hot headed. Mummy created an atmosphere of happiness and fulfilment for us children. They taught us to be tough like them. Each one of us children not only cherished their principles but, also put them in practice in our lives. We learnt to establish ourselves the hard way by personal merit and not contacts. Despite facing two nervous breakdowns and severe manic depression I did not give up my struggle as a lawyer till my brain came to a halt. My love for social work pulled me through and I got cured in my late 50’s. I never gave money any importance but always prayed to God to help me meet my expenses for social work. First my parents and now my brother support me financially.

One’s family! Witnesses the closest bonding amongst the parents, brothers, sisters and grandparents and in laws. Many times due to different nature there is misunderstanding. This gives way to self-pity and anger. However, if one is introspective one realises that it was as much as one’s own fault that there was a clash in relations. Understanding one another is a two-way traffic. Probably both sides failed in realising what was expected from one another, i.e., is the manner each wanted the other to perform. Conflict and squabbles generally occur when our egos get enthroned in our brains. A feeling of righteousness sweeps away clarity of thought and one starts to feel a great sufferer. Cherish you family because that is one place you will get the most pure and unadulterated love.

While going for a walk I heard sounds of laughter. Looking back I saw some young girls from where the laughter was emanating. In response I suddenly felt very happy. Watching people laugh, couples young and old enjoying contented, jolly moments together leads one to feel blessed and merry. One should try to spread this carefree untroubled radiance in life and on this note I wind up my diary to share more thoughts another time.