While going for lunch with Neerja Gaurie on January 2020 , an elderly , shabbily attired man approached us at the red light begging me to buy ball point pens . In an extremely nasty manner I shooed him away leading Neerja to wonder where my compassionate social service nature had disappeared !

Yes since last month I had become very frustrated . Never ever having interest to save money or on any occasion feeling sorry and hesitating to spend on others almost all my life , for the first time feelings of resentment towards my endless social work surfaced and captured my brain . Making me restless and like a boat without a mooring .

Then one day feelings akin to being hit by a thunderbolt occurred . Madhuji and I had gone to buy some fruit . As we were leaving a fourteen year old child started beseeching for something to eat . Blatantly refusing any help and not even looking at him , telling the driver to start the car we left with the helpless child running with the car and imploring till we sped away . Hardly had we covered some distance , I was filled with remorse and started crying for my heinious behavior never ever committed earlier by me .

On reaching home the sight of the child running along my car continously came before my eyes , the whole day and night leaving me weeping . Begging God to make that child meet me , the next day I visited the same spot . How would I recognize him , not having even looked at his face . My driver had seen him and parking the car we unsuccessfully searched high and low . My cruel , shameful act had pierced my heart and I implored God to severely punish me for the same .

Realization dawned on me that my wealth was the small , kind acts always done unflinchingly for the have nots and my tranquility , contentment , bliss rèposited in that alone .